Goal Setting. I'm not much of a goal setter. Maybe its because my goals are usually 94% unrealistic like "I'm going to eat salad every day for lunch for 6 years". And then the instant someone asks me to go to In N' Out I claim the goal to be dumb anyway and off I go for a burger and fries. Or maybe its because when I set more general goals like "I'm going to check my blood sugar more" I just completely forget about the goal altogether because I never had anything to compare it to in the first place. Not to be all science nerd but if the goal is not measurable...blah blah blah. Who knows? Maybe I did check more this year than last. So I've come to the conclusion that goals just aren't for me. I wouldn't say I'm some crazy hippie that sticks to the everything happens for a reason philosophy and that whatever I'm meant to do will happen but in the end... I guess maybe I am.
Long story short, I've decided once again to stick with the new year trend and try to set some "goals" for serving in the Peace Corps. Ones that I'll maybe glance at every now and then and not be heart broken or even care at all if I don't accomplish them but at the same time have every right to wave my hands in the air while screaming and eating ice cream cake with extra of those little chocolate cookie crumbles if I do accomplish them. Any of them. Seem like the perfect type of goals for me.
1) Be okay with not having anything to do. I like to stay busy. I like to go from a full work day to chasing a 5 year old around the neighborhood for three hours to tutoring in physics to going to a barre class to shower and sleep. And I find it weird if I didn't have something planned and going on but I'm realizing this probably isn't necessary and there's probably some truth to the best things in life aren't planned so my goal is to relax more, don't be so crazy about schedules and just once have a moment where I wake up with nothing to do and I'm not only okay with it but enjoy it.
2) Improve in Spanish and Guarani. Obvious goal. This is pretty much bound to happen considering my Spanish right now consists of hola, no comprendo, y necesito un novio. So this is my goal to ensure that the ice cream cake will happen next time I'm in America.
3) Enjoy running. This is a lofty goal because I literally hate running more than anything in the world. I've never liked it, never gotten the so called runner's high, never felt accomplished after it. Literally the before, during, and after of running are all awful in my head. But in theory it seems like a good way to keep active in rural Paraguay and enjoy the beauty of the outdoors.
4) Take note of three separate times where the word "judgmental" didn't even come across my mind when learning about something new. I would love to say I'm non-judgmental and I have described myself as that before in the past but in all reality..... I judge you. And I judge myself. Especially myself. I may judge you for giving your five year old an ipad for Christmas but in all reality I'm also judging myself for even judging you in the first place. And I want to do less of that. A lot less.
5) Turn frustration into productivity. Often I get frustrated, usually that I'm procrastinating. Haven't cleaned my room in weeks and everyday I think that I should clean it, but do I? Nope. Then I get frustrated because it's not done but instead of doing something about it I simply think about it getting done. News flash, it's not gonna happen. And I'm sure there will be a thousand and one times in Paraguay when I'm frustrated with all sorts of stuff but I'm hoping I can use that to fuel productivity. Another lofty goal.
Okay, that's way too many for me to even think about right now. So I'm going to leave it at that. And if they happen they happen. And if they don't they don't. And if all goes downhill and I'm a grumpy, miserable, frustrated, english speaking, judgmental person who asks their coordinator to plan their everyday activities then so be it. I think the Peace Corps will be half about finding out about who other people are, and the other half will be finding out who I am. Not who I want to be. And that's all cool with me.
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