5 Ways Wreaking Havoc May Be Too Strong

So this article is all over Facebook right now http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-13061/5-ways-diabetes-wreaks-havoc-on-your-entire-life.html and it's 4 am and the chickens are going, dogs are barking, there are less than 12 hours until some random person arbitrarily decides where I should live and work for the next two years of my life and so needless to say I can't sleep.  And for those of you that either don't have Facebook or refuse to be my friend, you know who you are, you should read it now.  I've contemplated reposting the article, but considering I thought only my friends with type 1 would read it I decided against it.  So instead, here are my thoughts...

Now, first things first.  I actually really like the article.  And I would be flat out lying if I said I didn't have these feelings of hatred and annoyance towards diabetes.  I mean let's be real, just this morning my pump tubing kinked all bloody and nasty and in that moment I couldn't imagine anything worse than to be stuck in rural Paraguay with a blood sugar of a million (I like to exaggerate) and not wanting to tell anyone because I'm the one that came to class unprepared without my extra infusion set and insulin and therefore, my fault....guilt, guilt, guilt.  Couldn't imagine anything worse....oh wait, yes I could.

And now, I know what you're thinking.  This girl is gonna be all positive and optimistic and talk about the joy diabetes brings her.  Hell no.  I mean I prefer smiling over frowning, laughing over crying, but I'm no glass is half full kind of girl.  I'm more of a there is half a cup of water and half a cup of air in that glass kind of girl.  And there is no way in hell I would ever put diabetes and joy in the same sentence so sorry if you were hoping for sunshine and rainbows.

And five ways wreaking havoc may be too strong....

1). Diabetes is nonstop, 24/7.  Truth.  Hence why being a camper at diabetes camp was amazing.  Oh hey counselors, wanna handle this shit for me all day and night for the next two weeks?  Great, thanks!  But let's talk about the commitment, dedication, perseverance.  It's amazing what we can do.  Talk about forgetting the past and living in the moment.  Check.  Diabetes is a moment to moment basis.  Scared of commitment?  Nope.  Peace Corps makes you sign this paper that you are basically on the job 24/7 for the next two years and if you can commit to this?  Check.  24/7 are my norm.  Working through frustration? Yup, do that.....regularly. Someone needs to come up with a bomb resume format for the characteristics we have as a result of having type 1 diabetes.  Strong, powerful, committed, flexible, problem solver, the list goes on.

2). The pressure to be perfect is impossible to endure.  This one gets to my little type A, perfectionist personality. Being perfect is really hard.  Let me tell you from experience...just kidding.  But what I'm realizing is that nobody expects you to be perfect, except ourselves.  If anyone is even a little educated on life with type 1 diabetes, they will know that it is impossible.  And if they don't understand that then stop sharing it with them.  You wouldn't share your failed organic chemistry grade with the person with a 4.0 gpa would you?  So, we need to stop being so hard on ourselves, because diabetes is trial and error, just like the rest of our lives and if it is okay to make mistakes in life, then it's okay to make mistakes with diabetes too.  Shit happens.

3). We are constantly being graded.  Now, reference #2 for reasons why we should stop judging ourselves.  As for outside judgment, it prepares us for the world.  We can take ridiculous condescending thoughts (no offense) in stride.  There's always that person where you could be given the award for solving world hunger and they would say "why didn't you solve it last year?"  Now, with our experience shaking off outside judgment from diabetes we would all be able to answer this ridiculous question in stride with confidence rather than letting it get to us.  Should we have solved world hunger last year??? Should I have not had that delicious mango smoothie (thanks Paraguay)???

4). Diabetes can be very scary.  Truth again.  I can't say I lie in bed at night wondering if I will wake up the next morning so maybe I'm more sunshine and rainbows than I thought.  Low blood sugars are terrible.  I'm not going to fight that.  Nobody likes lying on the tile floor with ice cream in one hand and a gallon of orange juice in the other waiting for your kitchen to stop spinning and thinking about how you're going to explain to your roommate why all her ice cream is gone.  Nobody.  But at the same time, how cool it is to be so in tune with our bodies?  What food does, exercise, stress, how your brain functions, your emotions, etc.  Maybe this is me being all science nerd on you but the average person still thinks apples don't have carbs.  Therefore, ultra smart...that we are.

5). You're constantly defending yourself.  I wouldn't say constantly.  Yes, I get the ridiculous comments like can you eat sugar?  As I'm eating an ice cream cone. What would you have done if I said no?  And sure I've heard about everyone's grandmother's cousins, niece's friend who died of diabetes.  But really this is just flat out comic relief for me.  Within the type 1 community these are the comments we live for.  These are the times when diabetes is just plain hilarious.  I almost love hearing them just so I can go tell someone else and laugh at their ridiculousness.

And so living with diabetes is challenging.  And it is way more work than the average person thinks, and probably more work than my best friends in the entire world think.  And yes, we have every right to feel frustrated, angry, exhausted and burnt out just like you do with or without type 1 diabetes.  But we also have the right to feel confident, strong, committed, and prepared and to live lives filled with laughter and joy just like everyone else. 

And with that, I'm going to crawl back into my safe zone under my mosquito net and wait for the beautiful Paraguayan sunrise.

I'm so pretty..... Just like you

Beauty.  It's everywhere.  Blah blah blah Paraguay Paraguay Paraguay.  Everyone here is obsessed with prettiness.  Obsessed.  In the same way I'm obsessed with burritos.  People clean their houses on the daily, do laundry at least every other day, iron their clothes, sweep their dirt yards, bathe twice a day, braid their hair, only wear flip flops in the shower (how not respectable of a fashion choice) and all in all are constantly thinking about how lindo something is.  And now I do too.  And it's a little bizarre.  For instance, I currently judge people on their floors.  I walk into a new home and my first thought is "tiles? Sweet floor! How pretty!"  So I'm falling into the beauty trap.  Or maybe it's not a trap. 

Por ejemplo, I moved to another community for this week with a few other people to get a campo feel of the Paraguayan countryside, practice our Spanish and guarani, and give charlas (lessons) in the school and health post.  And so I had another host family and upon meeting my mom this was the opening conversation:

Me: Hi! My name is Arianna.

Mom: Hi! What a pretty name.  I'm Lydia. 

Me:  What a beautiful name!

Mom: This is my beautiful home.  Isn't it pretty? 

Me:  yea!  So pretty!

Mom:  You're just so very pretty... Just like me.  

Me:  Yea! We're all just so pretty!

And that was 148% normal.  Didn't think twice until later.  And I kind of like it.  I can't say I'm a horribly observant person.  Not so beneficial in the science field of things but in my general life I don't mind. I think it's actually quite helpful to not be stressed about the little things... Or should I say the pretty things.  

But maybe this is a way of getting me to notice the pretty things.  The beauty around me.  Cuz there truly is a ton of it!  I'm much better at seeing the beauty in people rather than objects or nature.  But, now I'm hoping to see the beauty of tile floors, the crazy cool monkeys, my sister's painted fingernails, the red dirt roads, the gorgeous sunrises, my freshly ironed shirts, my mom's perfectly braided hair, the arranged rice and chicken on my plate, and my freshly raked dirt lawn.  And at the very least I will be observant of the world around me.  

Now, look at these gorgeous pictures of my trip 4 hours south to San Ignacio.  I'm just so unbelievably pretty.... Just like you :-)

Now all of your pretty little selves go on and enjoy this beautiful day!  I miss you guys a ridiculous amount.  Please come visit!  Mucho Amor,  Arianna

Barbecue Chicken in a Fogon

I have an obsession with chickens.  In a lot of ways.  And its a new obsession, mas o menos.  

First things first, I love to eat chicken.  I have never been happier that religion exists in the world than now because we don't eat red meat on Wednesdays and Fridays now.  And considering every single meal we have some weirdly chewy boney not appetizing at all piece of cow I am stoked to have two days free of this.  The more chicken the better.  

Also, besides the fact that they are quite possibly the most annoying animals in the world I kind of want one or many in my site.  I think its so cool that they use a little ladder to sleep in trees bunk bed style and that they lay their eggs wherever they want here and you have to go looking for them.  Talk about an Easter egg hunt on the daily.  Amazing.  

To change pages completely the group and I built a fogon last weekend.  What is a fogon you ask?  It's basically an oven and stove made out of bricks and dirt and a tiny bit of cement.  With a metal stove and oven.  It's a cheap and efficient way of keeping people from cooking on the ground because it is unsanitary, hurts peoples backs, and people breathe in all the smoke from cooking.  You have to build it under a roof because the rain will ruin it so there is a chimney to take out the fumes from the house. It's pretty cool and a possible project we can do in site.  But it took us 15 hours to make and there were 15 hours so if you're doing it with less... Best of luck.  And here's some photos.  

And fun fact of the day.  Here we rake our lawns too.  Except our lawns are dirt. 

And a monkey just peed on my foot while writing this.  So there's that.  

Mi Vida Paraguaya

Hi friends!  Sorry it's been so long.  We're just about halfway done with training which is exciting, shocking, and terrifying.  Exciting because the more projects I here about and the more parts of Paraguay I see the more stoked I am for moving to my future site.  Shocking because part or me cannot believe I've only been here 5 weeks.  I feel like its been ages since I've seen my family, friends and munchkins (PS I miss you.  Write me.) I also feel like I've been living in the disgusting heat, drinking terere (more on that later) waking up to the monkeys, eating cups of salt and sugar for meals, and laughing and smiling when I have no clue what's happening forever.  Forever.  And terrifying because I have like nine million hours of class a day and opportunities to speak english up the wazoo and ice cream available within 20 feet of me at all times and in 5 weeks I might have nothing but a town store, a primary school that functions when it wants to and a bus that runs if its not raining and if the driver isn't on strike and if there was time for the driver to get his hair cut and if there are exactly two clouds in the sky.

And so it's scary...and exciting...and everything in between.  And the process for site selection is you have two interviews with the assistant peace corps director to describe what you are looking for in a site.  My first interview I was highly unprepared and basically just was like I have no idea.  I've been here a day.  What is this?  What country are we in? Ummmm yea I'll do whatever.  I basically screamed flexible.  And also dumb.

My second interview was yesterday and given that I had already visited another volunteer last week and seen more of the volunteer life (Never wrote about that but long story short it was beautiful, right near an Paraguayan style extremely modern city, the kids were just as amazing as expected and there were fajitas, crepes, Nutella, and cookies) I was a little more prepared.  As in I wrote out a list of things I thought I wanted.  Although I'm fairly confident that it will change... By tomorrow.

1) KIDS KIDS KIDS LOTS OF NEIGHBORS
2) Small community feel
3) "active" school
4) fairly easy access to larger cities
5) active group of volunteers in the area
6) speak lots of guarani
7) be a first time volunteer in site

And thats what I asked for.  So we'll see which ones I get.  But in two weeks I'll know my site for the next two years and the site you will all be touring when you visit me ( hint hint).  So wish me luck!!!

I'm going to visit another volunteer, this time in a group of 5, in a site in the southern part of the country near Argentina.  Side trip!  I'll be living with another host family so I'm excited to see if my introduction to this family will be better than my last.  "Uh, hola?? Como estas??? Es todo!"

Wish me suerte, Les quiero a todos!!