How much do you weigh?

You're probably uncomfortable already from just reading the title of this post.  But get comfortable because there is no such thing as personal information in Paraguay.  At all.  Upon meeting someone common questions in the states would be whats your name? What do you work in? Where do you live? But here in Paraguay I can count on one hand the number of times I've been asked my name.  I'm thinking its because as I've written about before Paraguayans in the campo generally don't leave their communities and probably dont go anywhere except their neighbors houses for weeks at a time.  So everybody knows everyone all too well which makes for a lot of gossip but also very close relationships.  They know who cooks what on what days, which sopa they use for laundry, how much money they make, what color their underwear....everything.  So because they know everybody they don't have experience meeting new people, until me.  This crazy American walks into their lives completely helpless, barely speaking the language, and expecting to "help them". And so naturally they aren't used to the normal get to know you questions and instead dive in deeper right off the bat.

Common questions to be asked are: 

1) how much do you weigh?

2) do you have a boyfriend?

3) are you happy?

4) why don't you have a baby?

5) how much money do you make?

6) how much money do your parents make?

7) why don't you want a Paraguayan boyfriend? My nephew is available. 

8) you've gained weight, haven't you?

And so many more.  And i kid you not, these are within minutes of meeting someone.  But more often than not they actually talk amongst each other about you instead of asking you directly which now that I understand has been very interesting to listen to.  

This is a situation that happened yesterday in between a Señora I call cigarette lady who I will tell you more about later, cigarette lady's mom, and a señora #3 who I had never met, and me.  

Señora #3: who is that?

Cigarette lady: an American. 

Señora #3: what is she doing?

Cigarette lady: she just watered her garden.  She is super hard working.

Señora #3: very hard working. Does she speak guarani?

Cigarette lady's mom: she speaks great guarani.

Cigarette lady: super great guarani.  She is so hardworking.

Señora #3: she speaks guarani! Wow! Awesome! (Pause...) she is large.

Cigarette lady: very large for a young lady. 

Cigarette lady's mom: super large. Just very very large.

Señora #3: she is fat.  

Cigarette lady: very fat.  

Cigarette lady's mom: very fat for a young lady.

Señora #3: she waters her garden every day?

Cigarette lady: every day.

Señora #3: she is so hard working.  And gorgeous hair! Is it natural?

Cigarette lady: natural.  So beautiful! 

Cigarette lady's mom: (stroking my hair) just drop dead gorgeous.

So i bet through reading that you probably felt my pain and awkwardness from afar.  Now picture yourself sitting down to tea with this conversation. I sit there and smile as they talk about the very large, hardworking, beautifully blonde American.