5 Ways Wreaking Havoc May Be Too Strong

So this article is all over Facebook right now http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-13061/5-ways-diabetes-wreaks-havoc-on-your-entire-life.html and it's 4 am and the chickens are going, dogs are barking, there are less than 12 hours until some random person arbitrarily decides where I should live and work for the next two years of my life and so needless to say I can't sleep.  And for those of you that either don't have Facebook or refuse to be my friend, you know who you are, you should read it now.  I've contemplated reposting the article, but considering I thought only my friends with type 1 would read it I decided against it.  So instead, here are my thoughts...

Now, first things first.  I actually really like the article.  And I would be flat out lying if I said I didn't have these feelings of hatred and annoyance towards diabetes.  I mean let's be real, just this morning my pump tubing kinked all bloody and nasty and in that moment I couldn't imagine anything worse than to be stuck in rural Paraguay with a blood sugar of a million (I like to exaggerate) and not wanting to tell anyone because I'm the one that came to class unprepared without my extra infusion set and insulin and therefore, my fault....guilt, guilt, guilt.  Couldn't imagine anything worse....oh wait, yes I could.

And now, I know what you're thinking.  This girl is gonna be all positive and optimistic and talk about the joy diabetes brings her.  Hell no.  I mean I prefer smiling over frowning, laughing over crying, but I'm no glass is half full kind of girl.  I'm more of a there is half a cup of water and half a cup of air in that glass kind of girl.  And there is no way in hell I would ever put diabetes and joy in the same sentence so sorry if you were hoping for sunshine and rainbows.

And five ways wreaking havoc may be too strong....

1). Diabetes is nonstop, 24/7.  Truth.  Hence why being a camper at diabetes camp was amazing.  Oh hey counselors, wanna handle this shit for me all day and night for the next two weeks?  Great, thanks!  But let's talk about the commitment, dedication, perseverance.  It's amazing what we can do.  Talk about forgetting the past and living in the moment.  Check.  Diabetes is a moment to moment basis.  Scared of commitment?  Nope.  Peace Corps makes you sign this paper that you are basically on the job 24/7 for the next two years and if you can commit to this?  Check.  24/7 are my norm.  Working through frustration? Yup, do that.....regularly. Someone needs to come up with a bomb resume format for the characteristics we have as a result of having type 1 diabetes.  Strong, powerful, committed, flexible, problem solver, the list goes on.

2). The pressure to be perfect is impossible to endure.  This one gets to my little type A, perfectionist personality. Being perfect is really hard.  Let me tell you from experience...just kidding.  But what I'm realizing is that nobody expects you to be perfect, except ourselves.  If anyone is even a little educated on life with type 1 diabetes, they will know that it is impossible.  And if they don't understand that then stop sharing it with them.  You wouldn't share your failed organic chemistry grade with the person with a 4.0 gpa would you?  So, we need to stop being so hard on ourselves, because diabetes is trial and error, just like the rest of our lives and if it is okay to make mistakes in life, then it's okay to make mistakes with diabetes too.  Shit happens.

3). We are constantly being graded.  Now, reference #2 for reasons why we should stop judging ourselves.  As for outside judgment, it prepares us for the world.  We can take ridiculous condescending thoughts (no offense) in stride.  There's always that person where you could be given the award for solving world hunger and they would say "why didn't you solve it last year?"  Now, with our experience shaking off outside judgment from diabetes we would all be able to answer this ridiculous question in stride with confidence rather than letting it get to us.  Should we have solved world hunger last year??? Should I have not had that delicious mango smoothie (thanks Paraguay)???

4). Diabetes can be very scary.  Truth again.  I can't say I lie in bed at night wondering if I will wake up the next morning so maybe I'm more sunshine and rainbows than I thought.  Low blood sugars are terrible.  I'm not going to fight that.  Nobody likes lying on the tile floor with ice cream in one hand and a gallon of orange juice in the other waiting for your kitchen to stop spinning and thinking about how you're going to explain to your roommate why all her ice cream is gone.  Nobody.  But at the same time, how cool it is to be so in tune with our bodies?  What food does, exercise, stress, how your brain functions, your emotions, etc.  Maybe this is me being all science nerd on you but the average person still thinks apples don't have carbs.  Therefore, ultra smart...that we are.

5). You're constantly defending yourself.  I wouldn't say constantly.  Yes, I get the ridiculous comments like can you eat sugar?  As I'm eating an ice cream cone. What would you have done if I said no?  And sure I've heard about everyone's grandmother's cousins, niece's friend who died of diabetes.  But really this is just flat out comic relief for me.  Within the type 1 community these are the comments we live for.  These are the times when diabetes is just plain hilarious.  I almost love hearing them just so I can go tell someone else and laugh at their ridiculousness.

And so living with diabetes is challenging.  And it is way more work than the average person thinks, and probably more work than my best friends in the entire world think.  And yes, we have every right to feel frustrated, angry, exhausted and burnt out just like you do with or without type 1 diabetes.  But we also have the right to feel confident, strong, committed, and prepared and to live lives filled with laughter and joy just like everyone else. 

And with that, I'm going to crawl back into my safe zone under my mosquito net and wait for the beautiful Paraguayan sunrise.